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What are you communicating to people?

Joseph Clough

Be conscious of your communication - its one of the most effective tools you have, this also includes our own self-talk. If your not getting the right feedback from people or your mind/body it's up to you to be conscious and refine your communication

In this blog, I will be giving you some super sharp tips in how you can communicate with others in a profound way that gets results. I like to think I’m pretty good at this, is what I do for a living and it’s my most powerful tool in helping people.

You see the meaning of your own communication is the response you are receiving from person you talking to.

We live in our own mind and our own world and sometimes we get lost in it, and that results in forgetting about other people’s experience.

We can also forget that our words are not just words alone.

I can say ‘I disagree with you’, ‘I understand you’ or ‘I’m listening to you’ and I can think that what I am saying (the words) is fair and true, but if my tonality is sharp or cutting it transforms those words to a whole new meaning. If my posture is distant or not engaging then the meaning of my words are different. We’ve all had an experience where someone has said something but their words are not matching their communication to you.

Words are never absent of tone. Even a receiver of an email/text you sent will read your words in a certain tone. How are you reading this blog? My tone, your tone, or someone else’s? What’s the quality of the tone? Is it lecturing, Angry, empowering, peaceful or something else? My intent can be one thing, but your interpretation of the words can be completely different.

So words are not the be all and end all of communication, in fact its only a small part of communication as our tonality and our physical experience toward someone can be the most important. And usually the tone and the physical expression are unconscious process we have picked up.

I also said previously that we can get lost in our own experience and that leads to the person feeling invalidated and disrespected. We can jump in, we can ask ‘How’s your day?’ and before the person can respond we go ‘Because this happened to me, and that happened…’ . It does not feel nice to be on the receiving hand of this.

I want to be clear in my words here, I’ll be blunt and to the point.

Communication with someone is not about you. Communication is a cooperative flow of energy And it should not be about you at first.  I’m not saying we should just listen and not speak our words, but the most joyful communication is you just being fully present and open to the person you are speaking to. To allow them space to feel comfortable and be acknowledged.

So my tiptop tips for you being a communicating wizard:

  • Be Conscious – we must become conscious of what we are saying and how we are saying it. We can do this by having this as our intention before we speak to people. What do we want to say and how do we want to come across. Be conscious of your tone, and your physiology.
  • Being a Validator  - When I speak to people on the phone, my seminars, my clients, by email, on Facebook etc I want people to know that my 100% attention is on them, that its not about me, its all about them. I want to say this with my eyes, my words, my tone and my expression. They are number 1. To me, a client is never a client, they are my friends, I even think this before I’ve ever met them. They are a friend that I have not discovered yet. So put your 100% attention on them before your own needs, allow them to feel validated and special, as they deserve to be.
  • Listen – Be fully present, do not allow your mind to wonder or even butt in with your own opinion at first. Allow yourself to just take in the whole experience by being in the moment. Think: ‘What are they saying?’ What are they communicating?’ ‘What really being said beyond their words?’

This means we are no longer hearing, but we are listening to them deeply.

Allow yourself to be conscious, to be present and allow your attention to be on those you are communicating with.

With love,

Joseph